You must be wondering why I have this , I didn't used this fr like 4 years back when I was 15/16? <<< Old photo. So weird to open this up sia ..
The main thing is I got too much to say I guess it's best fr me to say what I needed over here. I hope it lessens the questions you have in mind. I really don't know where to start tho ==. I am not sure whether you will believe whatever I said. But it's okay, at least I know I tried. I will just start by saying sorry to you fr whatever you felt that I have done wrong. Sorry ...
Next, I think I will just start with what happen?
I know you were mad at that time after what calden told you..
No matter what I say you wouldn't listen nor did I know what he told you.
The truth is I am not attached. I have never seen a guy so desperate to get back at me.
Whatever happened between me and that guy, it's been in the past long ago. He insist on making me in a hard position. His been pestering me on getting back together, he knew I have someone else in mind... He wanted to crash it all down by making it as if I am still with him ... well, I can't stop what his doing if he wanna dig out past photos tag whatever shits, trying to stalk me every single time? he insist that whatever he spent on me I have to pay back which is like over 1k ? He threatened me , to post whatever we chatted in the past when I was with him wanting to spoil my reputation and stuffs.
I am like , i guessed i easily trust a person by telling personal stuff to a wrong person :") . Well i guessed he just wanted to get back at me fr not being able to be with me.
Lesson learnt : Never trust someone so easily , when he didn't love you at all just wanted your body when he can't do so , that's how someone gonna get back at me? idk. Trust.
I knew i didnt told you i am at fault, i am sorry. I didnt wanted you to get worried and i didn't wanted to give you a wrong impression neither. It's my fault fr not telling you. I thought that as long as i pay back everything will be fine. In the end, after that day when we quarreled i told him , enough i already lost what i am afraid to lose if you really wanna post whatever shits pls go ahead. I will go mia anyway. He get what he wanted to get back at me ohwell, life. I lost someone i love.
Lesson learnt: No matter what happen always tell the other party :") , no secrets no lies ..
Okkay lets go back to where calden started, i understand that he is your friend you trust him alot.Whatever he say you will trust but can i ask, you went full rage at me yeaa i understand i didnt had a chance to talk neither would you listen nor read it. You know what happen that day, when I asked him fr help asking you to read my messages. What i get was "Hi this is calden's gf , PLEASE STOP MESSAGING HIM cause i dont like girls talk to him" << this is what i get? after this incident , now i know between me and calden whats friend called :") . I blocked and deleted his number I understand you didnt get the full picture you were mad , no body knew what's going on. Calden only saw the outer part have you all seen the inner? idkk.
Lesson learnt : Even you trust your friends fr whatever things they said it may be heartbreaking it may be raging whatever the mood it is, clam down , clarify with the other party always clarify..
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Now I wanted to talk about is us...
It's been close to a year , I must admit that i really like you.. you should have already known how much efforts i putted in fr you. What i can do , i tried my best to do so. But you know what, idk when you are ready to trust me .. you know i always wanted not just chatting during your working hours.
I always wanted to chat with you when i ever i feel down / happy / whatever kind of mood , as long as i know you are there, But through fb , sometimes when its your off idk who to turn to i need to wait till you go to work.. and they been restricting the fb issues fr a few months right.. its so hard fr me to find a chance to communicate with you. you know what's the worst feeling is to choose between to walk away or keep waiting.. i hope you understand frm my point of view as well. I knew i couldnt be able to walk away because i can't forget , i guess a fire that you started inside of me never dies off. So i choose to kept waiting. I thought that maybe one day , you will cross over the line fr me . Its impossible fr me to ask you out or anything personal frm you cause i know your reply would be the same.......
I am not sure if you know that i have been thinking alot ..
I once read something online and it breaks my heart a little every single time ..
Picture this alright..
In 10 years, I bumped into you on the streets.
I say hi, you say it back.
I ask how your life is,
You tell me about your wife and kids
And when you do, it will break my heart.
Not because i don't want you to be happy
Because that's all i want,
But because 10 years ago...
I pictured somebody else asking how your life is.
And you would tell them about me.
After what happened, every single day i cried so hard.. it still hurts me till date. I went mia , i wanted to forget everything start a new life but then its dam hard. I tired talking to you rmb? you said you were chatting with someone else so i guess you have someone else as it was after 10pm i thought you will only chat me after 10 , maybe this person is someone special :") so he or she may get the same treatment haaa idk.. so i thought maybe i should back off from your life so you can live better. I can always fight fr you, but i can't fight fr you if you have someone else. I went Mia , everything i deleted off. I am so scared to open my facebook account because i know i will see you i will see everything about you and it will break my heart again and again. So i thought during my bday i should have more courage to open my fb , i still secretly hopes i dont see your post == . Okay i am very bad i admit cause i really wanna talk to you i really miss you so much so badly.. and i am not sure should i talk to you.. i guess when you really love someone its hard fr you to stop loving him :") .
And there's sth i always wanted to say , i am just a average girl i am not perfect , i am not hot or pretty as you think.. i am just a normal girl i make mistake i have my ugly side of me i have my bads. I didnt wanted to keep my image to you as tho i am perfect..
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Happened within this period when we didnt talked. There was once i almost had an car accident when driving along orchard tho, both came out of express way theres two lanes okay . i am at the left the person is at the right so he drove very fast tho i think he using phone or sth? the road bends like a slight curve so he came to my lane like jus few more seconds cause the gap is jus damn narrow.. cfm bang -.- like a sudden swipe in. and theres alot car coming out frm behind know ==. I been thinking if that accident really this happen dk if i still be alive -.- " idk life is so short..so just live as tho its the last. I wanna tell you i still love you :") , but life has its ways i guess if its meant to be it will come back to me again.. i dont expect your forgiveness.. i just want to let you know no matter what choice you made. I really want you to be happy , even if i am not the one.
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idk why maybe its not my luck life been so werid to me nowadays...
i have this girlfriend of mine , didnt have any boyfriend before she is 22 this year alright.
I am not very close with her , i helped her every single time she needed help.
So she has been very probematic every single time when it comes to rs issues .
She has a record of trying to attempt to die and stuff due to the guy she likes dosent like her. A few times already. So now we are not in sch anymore . She been messaging regarding diff guys.
This girl alot story to tell -.- . Whats worst is she can tell me she eat alot medicine stomach pain la, going to jump down from window dont dare jump ah all these thing say she go ddrink alot then go mental hospital. But the thing is she weekend she can go out with fren , i think she trying to attention seek tho. Then here come the worst part she created a new profile to talk to the guy again she requested fr my ID as the guy said suspect is her then she came and message call and beg me fr my ID and i am like did you freaking use my photo and now beg me fr evidence -.- . like seriously nowadays why she wan do this to me sia when i am helping her all along she trying to ruin my life -.-even gave my fb saying that is hers.. -.- after this i told her all the best i block her number -.-""""""".
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